My friend Rachel's aforementioned gathering had a tacky sweater theme, which I was so excited about. I knew where I could borrow a really good one, a holdover from fifteen years ago when ridiculous stuff like this was all the rage for Christmas. Behold!
The fuzzy beards, the hat tassels, the riot of color. I was so certain I'd win recognition as the tackiest person at the party. But then... then this chick showed up:
And I at once conceded defeat. She even made the sweater herself! Look at the random presents glue-gunned to the sweatshirt! The sequins! The fuzzy trim! The bells on her cuffs! And even when she turned around:
I bow to the master.